Chapter 182 Chapter 182 The First Step Is Learning To Like (Bonus Chapter For Gui Kou)
Chapter 182 The First Step Is Learning To Like (Bonus Chapter For Gui Kou)
She was unwell.
And she was sweetly possessive.
It wasn't merely a pathological, frightening aspect of her.
She also had a lovable, delightful side.
Yes, when exactly did I forget how lovable she was?
Since Little Cheng died...
No, even earlier.
She kept asking people around her for answers.
But all the replies she got were that she was wrong, that she shouldn't have treated Little Cheng like that, and even more, that she shouldn't have evaded or been afraid.
But she was a normal person; wasn't it natural to be afraid of such a scene, full of crimson?
The constant high pressure, the ghost-like whispers, the outcomes in her dreams, each one enough to drive a person mad.
They left her breathless, unable to think.
Every time she tried to think, it was that scene of Little Cheng's death.
It had happened in dreams, and it had happened in reality.
Whenever she closed her eyes to sleep, it was those recurring lucid dreams, Little Cheng beaten half to death by Ye Liang in her dream, then resentfully asking why she hadn't come to save her.
It was like a nightmare, relentlessly haunting her mind.
She wasn't like Little Cheng; she didn't know the tragic ending of the original story, nor did she know that the mentor caring for her was actually using her.
The relentless pressure only made Su Tao feel that her life had been thrown into utter chaos.
And as the veil was slowly lifted, the young woman belatedly understood the true nature of her obsessive tendencies.
Just as many had said: no matter how obsessive, no matter her starting point, Little Cheng acted only for her sake.
It was precisely her insecurity that drove her to do extreme things.
Her confinement in the basement was because she didn't want Ye Liang to hurt her; clumsy as she was, she didn't know how to express it, so she acted with such extremism.
On the rooftop, she nearly jumped because of a single word from Su Tao; it was her innate fear that prevented a disaster, showing her concern and obedience.
Being locked in the dark room was also out of fear that Su Tao becoming Ye Liang's maid would be like walking into the lion's den, completely stripping her of any sense of security; her extremism was meant to keep Su Tao by her side.
Su Tao had once said she wanted Little Cheng to be well-behaved, and those two weeks of enjoyment were the most stress-free and comforting period for her.
Even when she contemplated suicide and was about to leave, she still left a suicide note, wishing she could return to a time before she met Su Tao, so as not to bring Su Tao pain.
During the second time in the dark room after waking up, she was already quite ill; Sister Long and the mentor put pressure on Su Tao, and in Little Cheng's eyes, Su Tao was being bullied, so even if her methods were extreme, they were meant to vent her anger on Su Tao's behalf.
Even during their final argument, she still restrained herself from becoming pathological, instead tearfully saying—Tao Tao, I like you.
The typical speed of a bullet leaving a gun is 900 meters per second; in such an extreme situation, she almost instinctively pushed Su Tao away to take the bullet, all to protect the one she loved.
Was there really nothing about her to love?
Her smile, her embrace, her warmth, including the sweet, syrupy "Tao Tao" whenever she expressed affection.
Holding hands, hugging, shopping, hairpins, cat cafes, even the intoxicating taste of her lips.
It wasn't that Su Tao hadn't enjoyed it, or that she didn't like it.
It was just the relentless high pressure that prevented her from rationally considering these beautiful things.
Living her days consumed by guilt, regret, and confusion.
She had instead overlooked the most obvious truth.
Was the occasional acceleration of her heartbeat when facing Little Cheng truly not a sign of affection?
—When you held her hand, and your eyes were filled with only her.
—As an obsessive person, she was very well-behaved, and very lovable.
Do not overlook her loveliness and only focus on her pathological side.
People are always like this; they instinctively overlook what they already have and instead blame the bad things.
Those involved cannot see clearly, while outsiders can.
It was nothing more than that.
Looking at Wei Feng's story as an outsider, Su Tao found it familiar yet incredibly clear.
She reached up to wipe away the tears that were slowly fading from the corners of her eyes, her voice becoming much livelier. "Thank you."
Wei Feng scratched his head, saying awkwardly, "No need, no need. I also said some things wrong. When you mentioned 'obsessive', I instinctively thought of a girl. It's really not appropriate to describe your boyfriend as 'lovable'."
"If your partner heard me call her lovable, she might be furious, hahahaha!"
Wei Feng drained the last half bottle of beer in one gulp, praising its taste. "But you've only talked about obsessive behavior and deep thought; you still haven't said why you want to jump into the river."
Su Tao blinked. "I'm not jumping into the river."
"Huh?"
Wei Feng's hand, holding the beer bottle, suddenly froze. "Then I've been chatting with you here for over ten minutes, and it turns out I've just been giving you therapy?"
He had thought he'd have company on the path to the afterlife!
Su Tao pursed her lips and smiled. "I was just feeling a bit down and came out to clear my head. But hearing you talk, I think I understand what my problem is."
Perhaps avoidance was the most useless thing.
Fang Ning was right to scold her; after Little Cheng died, Su Tao did nothing, instead languishing in depression.
If she didn't change, if she continued to be so reclusive, wouldn't she not even be worthy of remembering her?
Su Tao said to Wei Feng, "How about you don't jump into the river either? If you die like this, you won't even be able to remember your girlfriend, will you?"
It would have been better if she hadn't said anything; at her words, Wei Feng's heart felt as if it had been stabbed.
Su Tao didn't realize that while Wei Feng's experience was similar to hers, the points of their entanglement were entirely different.
The young man looked away.
In the darkness, even with the faint yellow streetlights, they still couldn't clearly see each other's faces.
But Su Tao could vaguely sense his speechless and numb gaze. "Heh, some punk took her away. She might be in bed with him right now. What good are those memories to me then?"
"Anyway, I'm just an orphan no one cares about. Might as well just die."
"That's not true," Su Tao said, leaning on the railing, speaking from the heart. "I think you're a very good person. I care about you a lot and I'm grateful to you. Even though I don't know your name, I'll still remember you. Thank you for telling me all of this."
Wei Feng sighed. "I was just speaking casually, just venting my own feelings."
"But I can tell from your tone that liking someone means enjoying being by their side and feeling very happy."
Wei Feng looked up towards Su Tao. In the dim light, he couldn't make out the young woman's face, only sensing her pleasant voice. "Were you also dumped, which is why you came out to clear your head?"
"Sort of."
That kind of eternal farewell, did I break up with her, or did she break up with me?
Perhaps it didn't count as anything, since she had never truly confronted Little Cheng's feelings, nor had she ever said a single word of genuine affection.
A distant horn blared—"Beep!"—as a car drove past on the nearby road, its yellow light illuminating the two figures by the river.
Along with the passing wind and snow, Su Tao raised a hand to tuck back her disheveled dark hair. Her pretty face, though a little drawn, now bore a charming and gentle faint smile.
Wei Feng stood opposite her, staring in a daze.
At the last moment of his life, by the river, he had met his ideal woman.
The young man blushed, and as the car's horn faded, he shouted loudly, "I... my name is Wei Feng! Since we both got dumped, and it's such a coincidence, how about... how about we spend the rest of our lives together? I'll treat you well!"
Love at first sight, it must have been.
His confession never needed to wait.
After all, the moonlight might only shine on him for a fleeting moment.
As the car's lights vanished, the young woman before him once again became indistinct.
Then came her somewhat embarrassed voice. "Um... I just told you not to jump into the river, so don't you dare repay kindness with enmity, alright?"
Wei Feng: "..."
Perhaps I should just jump into the river after all.
He was a little anxious. "But... didn't your boyfriend already break up with you? If he's a scumbag, there's no need to care about him!"
Su Tao: "Sorry, but I already have someone I like. And she's not a scumbag."
I didn't even know if that counted as liking.
But...
At the very least, she couldn't do nothing.
At the very least, she had to change herself.
At the very least, she had to make Little Cheng feel that her death wasn't in vain.
Was liking truly about enjoying being by her side and feeling happy?
She had always ignored Little Cheng's loveliness, and instead fixated on her pathological side.
At least from now on, after Little Cheng was gone, she should remember her good qualities, right?
The past pathology and pain only needed to be hidden in her heart, for her to cry and regret alone in the dead of night.
If she didn't take that step, she would never find the answer.
If she didn't know what liking was, then she should go and understand what liking was.
Even though Little Cheng had already departed, first, she should say the words Little Cheng had wanted to hear.
Su Tao raised her head, her eyes gradually clearing and becoming firm. "Thank you for your earlier compliment. The person I like is truly lovely. Her name is Little Cheng... and she's a girl."
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