Chapter 183 Chapter 183 – Her Moonlight
Chapter 183 – Her Moonlight
When it came to liking someone, for a long time, Su Tao had been telling herself, even hypnotizing herself:
—I'm only pretending to like Xiaocheng.
This was how she complied with and placated Xiaocheng's obsessive nature.
Before, she only thought that doing so could calm Xiaocheng's emotions, and thus help her illness.
It wasn't until now, until after Chi Xiaocheng had passed away, that she truly understood: what that brown-haired girl had always wanted was for this "pretense" of liking to be removed.
If only she had given her that, perhaps her obsessive tendencies could have been cured.
Just as Wei Feng had said, if she had filled the void of Xiaocheng's insecurity, her possessiveness would have vanished, leaving only normalcy and gentleness.
Why hadn't she thought of those things before?
Was it because the pressure was too great?
Or was it her difficulty accepting the nature of their bond?
"Hoo~"
Su Tao exhaled, shaking her head to clear the jumbled thoughts. She didn't know what true liking felt like. In any case, when she was with Xiaocheng, and Xiaocheng wasn't acting possessive, she really liked, cherished, and enjoyed it.
For now, she would consider that feeling to be liking.
Though this liking was belated, it was better than doing nothing at all. Perhaps later, when she slept and entered dreams, or after death when she met Xiaocheng again, she could tell her that she had once liked her too.
She pushed down the painful, confused, and heavy thoughts, and instead recalled the beautiful and relaxing ones. As her thoughts found clarity, Su Tao felt much lighter. Even though her body remained utterly exhausted, as if she could collapse at any moment. But the cold wind on her face, and her recovering mental state, made her expression less numb.
She looked up again at Wei Feng. This big boy had, at some point, squatted on the ground, using the wine bottle to draw circles repeatedly in the snow. His clothes and hair were covered in white frost, yet he hadn't noticed.
Su Tao touched her cheek awkwardly. "Um, we only just met, and it's not like we could be together, right? You're a good person, so I think even with this heartbreak, you'll definitely meet someone better."
Wei Feng stood up, looking at Su Tao with a wronged expression. "Even if you reject me, please don't give me the 'you're a good person' speech, okay?"
"So... don't jump into the river, alright?"
"You've completely ruined my mood for jumping into the river!"
"Then you're not jumping?"
"I'm not jumping!"
Wei Feng grabbed the beer bottle, wanting to throw it into the river with all his might to vent, but then he thought it wasn't good to litter, so he held back. He looked at Su Tao, wanting to say something else, but bit his lip instead. "Do you think I can still meet a girl like you?"
"Uh... in what way 'like me' do you mean?"
"Just that feeling, like moonlight."
Su Tao heard the question, and the image of Chi Xiaocheng flashed through her mind. She nodded slowly and gently, then changed to a firm nod. "Don't worry, you'll definitely find someone."
Perhaps for some people, she was their moonlight. But she also had her own moonlight. Everyone has the chance to meet their own moonlight.
Wei Feng let out a long breath, and in the darkness, a smile slowly appeared on his face. Turns out there are plenty of girls in this world more outstanding and beautiful than his ex-girlfriend. Maybe he really could meet someone better.
He placed his hands on his hips and said heartily, "As a favor to you, I won't jump into the river. But can you tell me your name?"
"Su Tao."
A gust of wind swept by with a whoosh, blowing her hair and carrying away her voice.
"Also, please don't say things like you like me in the future. The person I like would get angry if they heard you."
She waved her hand. After confirming Wei Feng wouldn't jump into the river, she turned and left. Her graceful figure, accompanied by the dim streetlights, was gradually obscured by the wind and snow. Wei Feng stood rooted, sighing as he absently scratched his ear.
"By the way, what did she say her name was just now? The wind was too strong, I didn't hear clearly. Something like Su Tao? Su Tou? Xia Tao?"
"How could I not catch the name of such a beautiful girl... Wait a minute, was she just calling me lame?!"
...
Bidding farewell to the would-be river jumper she'd met on the road, Su Tao continued to walk through the wind and snow. This time, however, she was no longer lost, but walked unswervingly towards Chi Xiaocheng's home.
"I wonder if Ningning is still there. If so, I should apologize to her."
But continuing to brave the snow so late, Su Tao couldn't help but worry about her health. It wasn't until she reached the complex gate that her heart began to tighten with anxiety again. Her mind kept replaying what she should do if she faced Fang Ning again.
Fortunately, Fang Ning wasn't waiting there. Su Tao walked under the guardhouse, shook the water from her body, and took out her phone.
"Hello, Dongfang Yang?"
"It's me. Your voice sounds better, have you cheered up?"
Hearing his concern, Su Tao paused. "I've sorted out some things related to Xiaocheng. I'm fine, but there's something I might need to trouble you with again."
Dongfang Yang said, "Just tell me. Haven't you troubled me enough? Just treat me to a meal once you've fully recovered."
Su Tao affirmed, "Yes, yes. It's like this: do you remember Fang Ning, the young girl who delivered me to my dorm before?"
"I remember. What's wrong?"
"She found out Xiaocheng had died from somewhere. Xiaocheng saved her before, and she has deep feelings for Xiaocheng. She came to find me about half an hour ago."
"We... we had an argument, and now she's left Xiaocheng's house. I don't know where she went, and I might need your help to find her. I'm worried something might happen to her."
Although Fang Ning was an adult, her small frame, due to years of malnutrition, still made Su Tao instinctively treat her like a child. It was late at night, snowing heavily, and she had just learned of Chi Xiaocheng's death. Thinking about her own state in the days immediately following Xiaocheng's passing, Su Tao couldn't help but feel a pang of anxiety.
Soon, Dongfang Yang's helpless yet deeply trustworthy voice came through the phone. "She's still near your place within the last half hour, right? Got it, I'll send people to look for her immediately."
"Yes, yes, thank you for the trouble."
Su Tao hung up. She had intended to turn and go home, but the unease and guilt in her heart wouldn't dissipate. Without a second thought, she turned and once again walked into the vast expanse of falling snow.
Fortunately, she had been searching in the snow for less than half an hour when Dongfang Yang called, saying he had seen Fang Ning at the hospital. The little one had run off to see Chi Xiaocheng's remains again.
Completely relieved, Su Tao finally returned to the complex. Taking the elevator to her doorstep, the pain and guilt that had briefly receded now resurfaced in her heart. Before, she had merely been escaping, believing that if she didn't think about those things, everything would be alright. But now, having confronted and recalled Chi Xiaocheng's loveliness, she could no longer evade the painful scenes of her pathological state.
The moment the front door opened, before Su Tao's pain could fully brew, she saw the lights on inside. A calico cat was holding an unfamiliar scarecrow doll in its mouth, swinging it back and forth. The moment her gaze fell upon it, Su Tao had a feeling. It was as if the scarecrow doll was also looking back at her.
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